Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
