So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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