i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
