The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
