Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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