WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
