Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
