totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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