Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
