Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
