You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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