p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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