then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
