dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
