Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
