i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
