every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
