nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
