my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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