I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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