And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
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we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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He keeps bees of course he's weird
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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