oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
