There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize