My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
