You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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