I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
