She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
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and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
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Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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