We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
