dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
