...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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