Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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