Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
