Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
