my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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