you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize