Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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