We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
