She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
