Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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