If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
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Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
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Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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