I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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