I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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