So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
