I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
