so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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