She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
