Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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