Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
