Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
