i jhust puked up my retainher.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
