in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
