nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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