If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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