If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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