He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i barfeds in our rink
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
