Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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