Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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