We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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