I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
