The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
