I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
