My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
