I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
