I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
