why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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