We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
