One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
