I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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