he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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