they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Pooping to opera.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
