You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
