I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
