i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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