Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
God I need to hump something, right now.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
