she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
